[post by Cliff Harvey]
A common theme that presented time and again was that of freedom and independence within a relationship.
A fear for many is the loss of freedom and independence in a relationship.
The key factor in this, is that if you don't believe that you are free and that you are independent, you can never feel that you have that in a relationship, and particularly a relationship that is a close and intimate one.
However when you do have that internal solidity of self belief you have the comfort of truly knowing that you do have freedom and independence, whether in a relationship or not. Because freedom is being able to make the choices that we want to make, and a great relationship is a choice that you want to make!
A close, intimate caring relationship can be more of a struggle for someone lacking self belief in their own independence than a more 'arms length' and uncaring one, because they by default have more 'space'.
Freedom and independence for both parties are essential to a healthy relationship. But the drivers for this must come from within. When we realise that we are the co-creators of our reality, have a partner that knows this, and we start from a basis of trust and open communication this is actually very easily achieved.
Unfortunately I have seen on several occasions clients and acquaintances of mine reject healthy, intimate relationships in favour of cold, uncaring ones because it is easier to have a feeling of 'freedom' when you are not truly engaged with your partner. These types of relationships are very transactional (and sadly often defined by the material) and present all sorts of power imbalances and patterns of subtle abuse that are ultimately destroying for the self-worth and happiness of those involved.
Freedom is life. Independence comes from being truly authentic, having trust (in oneself and those we love) and creating lines of communication defined by the intention of unconditional love and compassion.